25 August 2011

The day had finally came

Everyone have their very own secret which had never been revealed to anyone before. I had never been someone really good in keeping things to myself. I love sharing stories and the fact that I am really grumpy and hot tempered, made things even harder to keep to myself.

Each time I face the same problem again and again, I had no one to turn to. I had no one I could speak to not even my best friends. Its not because of trust but perhaps its just the ego in me that I refuse to let go. That feeling was so torturous that the only thing I could do is to cry it all out during shower or during late nights where the whole house is soundly asleep.

People often ask me why do I look happy all the time. Well at least 70% of the time I carry the jolly me out. I just had to suppress and filter the emotions. It can be done easily but when the minute I get home. I don't know how to face things anymore.

The day came that I could no longer with hold the feelings, I broke down in front of my best friend. Probably its the only first time over our many years friendship she had ever seen me crying. And of all places, I did it in public but thank God there weren't many people and it was pretty dark. I tried to put myself together and story her but.. I just don't know how to start with. I can't pick up the pieces nor even summarize my words. It was so difficult.

So I put it in a way to ask her questions to answer my feelings. But it didn't work anyway.

I did felt a whole lot more better than to feel like shit. I am not almighty as I thought. Gosh, it is not even easy for me to type my feelings about this issue right here hence why your puzzle face staring at the blank screen, thinking what the fuck is this crazy bitch writing and you just wasted 5 minutes of your life reading something meaningless kthxbai.

But.. yeah.

Thank you for your time.


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