17 June 2010

"And you? What's your excuse?"

I could still recall the look on her face when she called my name. It was the last expression I want to see from her. The last thing I want to hear her ask. I was feeling guilty already when she started scolding all of us but the feeling was worse when she specifically called my name and said, "I'm surprised. Very disappointing marks from you, I expected it to be better!"

I can hear it for a hundred times and still cry at it. I don't like having to make people feel disappointed in me. Of course its worse when you hear it from someone you respect or love. The feeling is horrendous. I know I screwed up really badly this time round. I am unhappy, sad, depressed and sorry. I couldn't face her at all. I felt very shameful yknow.

I am not someone who expects myself to score flying colors in my studies. Really, if you know me well, you know how a simple pass can start the smile on my face. I give up at things even more easily anyone could possibly imagine. Although I didn't expect myself to score well in my Social Psy test2 this time but having to hear your favourite lecturer telling you right at the face that she's very disappointed in you, is not nice at all you know.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her at all. Never I would in any way either. I am disappointed in myself okay? I am disappointed that I disappointed my lecturer. Tears were literally dancing in my eyes but the ego in me hold onto it real tight. Each time I recall, my tears would just gush out like a bunch of women waiting outside a store for their private sales.

I blame the PMS.

Loves, V.

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